OpinionThe 'R-word' is no jokeFor the intellectually disabled and their families, it's just as bad as the"N"-word.By Maria ShriverAugust 22, 2008This has been a year filled with teachable political moments. Racism,sexism, ageism and "change" have been debated at kitchen tables and watercoolers across America. But this last week, those gathered around my kitchentable have been consumed with another discussion, one that is not Democraticor Republican -- it's the "R-word" debate.The "R-word" stands for "retard." For the 6 million to 8 million Americanswith intellectual disabilities and their families, this word and its hurtfuluse is equal to the impact of the "N-word" on an African American.The reason it's kitchen-table fodder is because of the Dreamworks film"Tropic Thunder," which topped the box-office charts when it opened lastweekend and which will attract many more moviegoers this weekend. In theR-rated film, which I've seen, a character named Simple Jack is a caricatureof a person with a developmental disability. In one of the scenes, thecharacter played by Robert Downey Jr. chastises Ben Stiller's character for"going full retard," and the "R-word" is repeated many times.As a journalist, I respect the right to freedom of speech, and my kids willtell you I laugh the loudest when we see a comedy. But as the niece ofsomeone who had a developmental disability, and as a member of the board ofdirectors of Special Olympics International, I know how hurtful the "R-word"is to someone with a disability. I know why "Tropic Thunder's" opening wasmet by protests on behalf of the intellectually disabled.Listen to actor Eddie Barbanell, who serves on the Special Olympics boardwith me, and he will tell you in very emotional terms how the use of thatword has made him feel rejected, stupid, demeaned.Or you can talk to Special Olympics athlete Loretta Claiborne, who speaks onbehalf of millions when she describes how the "R-word" has been used to mockand degrade her. She asks all of us to stop using this word without regardto its effect on the hearts and minds of people with disabilities.There is an old saying: "Sticks and stones will break my bones but nameswill never hurt me." Even when I chanted it as a child, I never believed it.Words do hurt -- they break people's spirits, they break people's dreams,they break people's hearts.Kids will see "Tropic Thunder," no matter the rating, and when they leavethe theater and go out to their schools, their homes and their communities,they'll call each other the "R-word" because they think it's funny. They'lldo it without any idea or regard to how it makes a person with a disabilityfeel.Too many in the intellectually disabled movement cannot speak out forthemselves. It is up to their families and those of us who advocate on theirbehalf to explain that calling someone by the "R-word" is no longeracceptable and is anything but funny.It's not acceptable in a movie theater; it's not acceptable on a playground.It's not acceptable that college coaches use it to chastise athletes. It'snot OK to use it in a classroom or a boardroom."Tropic Thunder" is giving Claiborne, Barbanell and many other individualsand organizations that serve those with special needs -- the SpecialOlympics, the National Down Syndrome Society, the Arc, the American Assn. ofPeople with Disabilities, Parent to Parent-USA -- a teachable moment. Theyare ready to join with the entertainment industry to change minds.Dreamworks' decision to include a public service announcement with DVDs of"Tropic Thunder" is an important first step, but far more needs to be done.Just as important, parents must talk to kids at our kitchen tables about howwe have felt when someone called us stupid, idiotic or lame. Because once weput ourselves in someone else's shoes, certain names just aren't that funnyany more.I often quote the Hopi prayer that tells us not to look outside ourselvesfor a leader. It tells us that we are the ones we have been waiting for. Wecan exchange one "R-word" for another: respect. We can teach our childrenthat name-calling hurts.Let's makes the "R-word" as unacceptable as the "N-word." Think of all wecan accomplish if we work together.It's one thing in this political season that shouldn't require awater-cooler debate.Maria Shriver is the first lady of California.
